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July 6th, 2009

07:43 pm lost 3 lbs when I weighed in this morning! Yehey!!!! I am clearly on my way to losing the 5 lbs I have gained when I stopped going to the gym for 2 weeks because of severe flu. I had a pretty good day today. Was able to make to my cycling class for an intensive workout. Had papaya with lemon and coffee for breakfast then just a glass of pineapple juice (80 cals) for lunch. Had a snack of a banana and mango slices. I kinda overdid it at dinner with half a cup of rice and veggies and then some mango slices for dessert. I cannnot not eat as we are obligated to be at the dinner table for the family dinner. I guess I have to wake up early to work it off with some weights and another intensive cycling class. But I have to admit  i have been taking salbutramine capsules for 4 days to suppress my appetite. Istarted with 10 mg on the 1st 2 days then upped it to 15 when it does not seem to supress my appetite. Hope all of you are having a good day..... Current Location: room Current Mood: awake Current Music: Permanent- david cook

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January 1st, 2009

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10:44 am - Happy new year! been away for almost a month for the holidays. I dread the idea of stepping back on the scale because I know I have eaten a lot ( and really really a lot) of food. Not just regular food but the super bad stuff and minimal exercise coz there was no gym where I was staying. I just got back home and went immediately to the scale and found that I have gained only two lbs! I am so happy coz I though I must have gained at least 5 lbs. i weighed myself 3 times more after that just to be sure and its really just two lbs! Will go to the gym this pm for RPM cycling! Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Decode- by paramour

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November 23rd, 2008

08:18 pm Current Location: Home Current Music: Umbrella-Rihanna

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October 28th, 2008

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October 25th, 2008

11:51 pm - Just ranting Finally after one month of no weight loss I have lost 4 Lbs this month. And losing it the sensible way. With exercise and a little diet. No fasting allowed, no purging allowed. But to be realllly honest, I did purge last week. I just can't help it. Specially after all of this emotional roller coaster that I am riding. I really can't figure out my crush. On one hand I think he does like me. But how come he keeps mentioning his wife whenever we share this lengthy conversations. He started to wear his wedding ring too. Is that his signal for me to "stay away"? But then he talks to me every time we meet and he shared stories of his life - like how old he is, what age he got married, why he made his career choices, why he only has one kid at the moment etc etc. He seems to enjoy talking to me (and vise versa). Am I so generic that he just really wants to be my friend? I can't explain the way I feel. When I think of him its like there is a deep ache or a void inside me. It sounds so melodramatic but you will only know that its is real once you feel it. I will try not seeing him for a week. I do not know if i will be able to do it but I have to try for my sake. Current Mood: confused Current Music: Can't stay away from you - Gloria Estefan

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September 18th, 2008

12:08 am - plateau My week has been a mix and match of the good and bad. Work wise, everything is going good for the past three weeks. I have done several cases and it has kept me busy and financially better. The down side, my weight loss has plateaued after the 15 lbs I have lost. For the past three weeks I have not lost weight. I have to admit I have not been dieting but I have upped my gym activity. I am almost tempted to give but I am still trying to hang on to the routine I have built for myself: Monday: Body Jam and Yoga Tuesday: RPM cycling Wednesday: badminton Thursday: Body Jam and RPM Cycling Friday: Hip-hop and RPM cycling Saturday: Rest Sunday: Body Jam, Yoga, Abdominals/core exercises and RPM Cycling I am beginning to wonder if I am doing too much? Plus my crush is still very much strong on this guy from the gym. I thought that after a few weeks after learning he is very much attached that the feelings will just fade away. It did not and how could it happen when he notices my new haircut, my white eyeliner, my new hair color etc etc.... Current Location: room Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Alone- heart

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September 9th, 2008

09:15 pm - Life sucks I am stuck at my weight. Even though I am cycling 4 x aweek and attending some dance-exercises classes and some badminton, I still have to lose the remaining. To top it off, I found out that my crush is married and has kids. And who I got the info from? Him of course. He just have to chat with me for an hour and a half then casually dropping of the fact that he is attached. It was very difficult for me to keep a straight face while I felt like dying inside. Did he notice the fact that I never asked any questions on his family afterwards? The bad part is that I still feel the same for him. Even though it should have been an automatic turn off. I wanted to keep myself away from him but that is easier said than done. When I know it is his schedule I find myself going to the gym. I guess the situation is made worse by the fact that I feel he is interested in me too. Maybe not in the same way that I like him but he took time to chat with me! Or is he just being super friendly? I really cannot tell. Current Mood: contemplative

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August 23rd, 2008

10:39 pm - Coming back to LJ It has been more than a year since I have entered anything in my journal. A lot has happened since then. I have gained weight---a lot. 15 lbs to be exact. I am currently trying to lose it hopefully the healthy way- by exercise and diet. But I am weak and have binged and purged repeatedly. The worse yet is that when I joined the gym and got myself into the cycling class I developed a humongous crush on the instructor. so much so that I developed insomnia just by constantly thinking of him. I do not think he will look at me the same way I look at him. not in this fat flabby state. And this I know will be destructive for me as I know this will trigger the cycle of binging and purging which I have been trying to keep at bay as long as I could(without success). I don't know what to do to make him notice me. I tried talking to him but my brainpower seems to stop when I see him.And would some one as fit as him ever notice someone like me? On the plus side, I have lost the fifteen pounds but I still need to lose fifteen more to be in the appropriate weight range. I am getting depressed and just don't know what to do. Life sucks. Current Location: Room Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Crush-David Archuleta

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November 25th, 2006

11:05 pm After almost a month, I have finally reached the first weight goal. I have shed two pounds more this week and when I stepped on the scales this morning, I saw that finally have reached 130 lbs!!!! (From initial weight of 140!) I even went to my weekly buffet feast afterwards. It may seem gross but I have given myself one day of the week to eat whatever I want. I think this also prevents my body from getting used to a low calorie daily intake.And even though I am well within my PMS, I still lost the two more pounds to make the ten-lb target! And no binging and purging!!!! My next target is 125 lbs. I am keeping it small coz the holidays are coming and food is definetly a big temptation. What has helped me is keeping a realistic goal, better to take small but sure baby steps. I am definetly happier and don't feel so deprived as I have in previous dieting and the MIA that I have. I have this site to thank coz it provided me an avenue to keep tract of my progress, failures and successes. Whats more you guys are non-judemental. This might be an ED site but it does not promote ED but instead reaffirms that a person can be accepted by what she/he is irregardless of weight. It doesn't tell overweight ones like me to starve or continue purging but instead cheers me on every pound I lose, and provide support on days when I slip by telling me that I am strong enough to get back on the program I have created for myself. So thank you again. I know you guys will still be with me on my journey to 125 to 120 to 115 and finally 110 lbs (my ultimate target). Think thin!!! Current Mood: happy

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